There is not a shortage of assholes who are willing to hate anything popular. I am probably that and you can easily miss this article if you are of the opinion there was nothing wrong with Spider Man: Into the Piderverse.

The first thing that tipped me off was Spider Man Noir. I am not a comic collector per se, but I do have about 7 boxes of American Superhero comics. My favorite and the start of that little collection was the Noir series of Marvel Comics: X-Men, Luke Cage, Daredevil, Wolverine, Deadpool, and my absolute favorite Spider Man Noir.

This comic was an amazing take on the origin of Mister Man: He was an apprentice reporter for a depression era newspaper. The changes are not worth giving away, as they make the experience all the more exciting, but needless to say, it's a bit more dark and we get an amazing twist on the old origin story. Does it count as a spoiler if I tell you Ben dies and that powerful moment changes Peter Parker's life? 

Now, there is one thing I will spoil for you. Noir Spider Mang was not some "Nazi punchin' palooka" with the voice of Nic Cage. This disappointed me, the popcorn munching, low art watching guy I am. I only go out to movies to have fun and talk shit with @ReoMC. So I pretty much bought a ticket based on seeing a big screen version of one of my favorite Spider Men. He was the fucking sidekick to the Pig. 



For Legal Reasons, they couldn't get Howard.

So I didn't think about it for a long time. I let it fester just enough until, at 2:00AM today it hit me: This movie is broad as fuck.

The music was kind of a catalyst too, I'm not a fan of the music kids listen to, but I recognize radio pop when I hear it, and even if Lil Post Malone is your favoritest rapper, there is an air of safeness in the song choices Sony™ made that kind of validated my unease. 


This movie is G for General. That isn't an insult. It's not even a rant because I didn't get my Noir Spider Man. This is just the thing I knew that was keeping this movie back. It really leans on the characters being charming enough for us not to notice half of them just say shit like: "I'm in a Band, my friend died because of me an then I was brought here"; essentially doing exposition dumps under the guise of tongue-in-cheek humor about Super Hero story structure. There isn't a lot of meat on the bone, even if the whole movie is an all you can eat buffet of spectacular animation and clear passion. I can't act like this revelation makes the Movie a sham. I think we just all got caught up in it's swagger. There is a romance to that but I say all this to posit this final point:


Wouldn't we be better off this was just about Miles Morales? We are only really meant to care about him, Gwen and Peter Parking-Ticket; why worry about characters who's arcs are essentially: "Hey, we are all weird versions of you and we believe in you."


The fact that everyone is so Joss Whedon about a Mafia boss bringing back his dead family with a world ending head-on collider is fine. Just, maybe let us have a more intimate experience with the Spiders who came to grow as people and let the Joke characters show up as a set piece. Give Miles Morales more time to be the center of this amazing achievement in Animation, more scenes like the "Whatsup Danger moment", less "It's funny because the Anime Girl did that one thing only a real anime character would do."   

Pictured: The first Anime ever.

So, there is my reasons why Spiderverse: Enter The Spiderman was amazing, but I still had gripes with it. There was a fun time had and despite any complaints, this was clearly a well loved project executed by skilled crew members/cast and producers who knew they had to try something new, succeed, and do it in the face of Marvel's own cinematic take on the character. That's a tall order well delivered.


So now to sit patiently, wait for Sony to fix this obvious mistake and then start telling people about that time my amazing insight crafted an amazing movie into a perfect 10. 

I brought a pillow.

7/10 - Easily one of the high points in a year that brought us Avengers: Infinity War.

I'm Dwelling is Dystopia and I'm Glad. It's a full time job staying sane and I don't wanna go mad. -Akira The Don

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